Masturbation, or self-pleasure, is how most people learn what their body actually likes, and there's no single right way to do it. This guide covers how to masturbate, with practical masturbation techniques for vulva owners and penis owners, how to finger yourself comfortably, what edging is, which lube to use, and how toys fit in. Take what's useful and ignore the rest. If you'd like to browse while you read, our masturbation lubes are a simple first upgrade.
Masturbation tips before you start
- Give yourself time and privacy. Feeling rushed or worried about being interrupted makes it harder to relax and notice what feels good.
- Wash your hands and trim your nails, especially if you plan to use fingers internally.
- Keep lube within reach. Friction that feels fine at first can turn sore quickly. More on choosing lube below.
- Start slow. Most techniques feel better when you build up gradually instead of going straight to the most intense touch.
Female masturbation: techniques for vulva owners
Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so it's the natural place to start. A study of 1,055 women found that only 18.4% could orgasm from penetration alone. A few ways to explore:
- Warm up around the area. Touch the inner thighs, lower belly and outer lips before going to the clitoris directly. It's often too sensitive at first.
- Try different motions. Small circles, side-to-side strokes, up-and-down strokes and gentle tapping all feel different. Many people prefer touching over the clitoral hood rather than directly on the glans.
- Change the pressure, not just the speed. A flat palm or two fingers gives broad pressure; a single fingertip is more precise.
- Through fabric. Touching over underwear softens the sensation, which helps if direct touch feels like too much.
- Change position. Lying on your back, on your stomach with a pillow to press against, or sitting up all change how pressure lands.
How to finger yourself
Use plenty of lube and start with one finger. Once inside, curl your finger up toward your belly in a "come here" motion; that front wall is where the area often called the G-spot sits. Some people enjoy it and some don't notice much, which is normal. Combining internal touch with clitoral stimulation from your other hand or a toy is what many people find works.
Male masturbation: techniques for penis owners
Many people settle into one grip and speed early and never change it. Varying things keeps sensation interesting, and makes it easier to enjoy different kinds of touch with a partner later.
- Vary your grip. A loose grip, a tight grip, fingertips only, or an open palm all feel different. Try switching hands, too.
- Focus on the sensitive spots. The head and the frenulum, the small ridge on the underside just below the head, are usually most sensitive.
- Use the whole length. Long, slow strokes from base to tip feel very different from short, quick ones near the head.
- Twist. A gentle twist of the wrist on the upstroke is a classic for a reason.
- If you're uncircumcised, you can move the foreskin over the head rather than sliding your hand over the skin, which often needs less lube.
- Explore beyond the shaft. Gently touching the testicles or pressing on the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus, adds another layer. Internal prostate play needs lots of lube and a toy with a flared base, such as those in our prostate massager collection.
What is edging?
Edging means bringing yourself close to orgasm, then slowing down or stopping until the feeling eases, and repeating that a few times before you finish. People use it to make sessions last longer, to learn their own build-up, and because many say the slower build-up makes finishing more satisfying. It works for any body. A simple way to try it: rate your arousal from 1 to 10, and back off whenever you reach about an 8.
Using toys for solo play
Toys don't replace your hands; they add sensations hands can't easily make.
- For clitoral play: air-pulse toys such as the Womanizer Enhance or We-Vibe Melt 2 stimulate without direct contact, while classic vibrators give steady buzz. Browse more in clitoral vibrators.
- For internal play: a curved vibrator like the LELO Liv 3 is shaped to reach the front wall.
- For penis play: strokers such as the Tenga FLIP 360 or the compact Arcwave Zing add texture and grip. See our male masturbators or the guide to male masturbators and automatic strokers.
Start every toy on its lowest setting. New to all of it? Choosing your first sex toy walks through it in three steps.
Which lube should you use for masturbation?
- Water-based works with every toy and every condom, and washes off easily. It's the right choice for toys.
- Silicone-based lasts much longer, which suits hands-only play and the shower. Keep it off silicone toys unless the maker says it's fine.
- Oil-based feels smooth for penis masturbation by hand, but it breaks down latex condoms and isn't recommended for internal use.
Avoid lotion, soap or anything scented on your genitals, as they can sting or irritate.
How often is normal?
There isn't a normal amount. The International Society for Sexual Medicine says some people masturbate daily, some weekly, some rarely and some never. It's only worth a second look if it starts getting in the way of work, relationships or daily life, or keeps leaving you sore. In those cases, take a break and consider talking to a doctor or sex therapist.
Afterwards
Wash your hands, and clean any toys with warm water and mild soap or a toy cleaner, then let them dry fully before putting them away. Our toy cleaning guide covers each material.
What should you read next?
If you'd like to bring fantasies into it, read the role of fantasy in your intimate life. For common worries about toys, such as numbness or getting "used to" a vibrator, see our sex toy myths article.
