Anal play can be very pleasurable, but it rewards patience more than almost anything else in sex. Most bad first experiences come from the same few mistakes: going too fast, too little lube, or a toy that's too big. This guide covers what anal play involves, whether it hurts, how to prepare for anal, how anal training works for beginners, and which toys and lube to start with. If you'd like to browse while you read, start with our anal lubes.
What is anal play?
Anal play is any sexual touch involving the anus or rectum: external touch, fingers, toys, or anal sex with a partner. The area has a lot of nerve endings, which is why it can feel good for people of any gender. For people with a prostate, internal pressure toward the front of the body can reach it. For people with a vulva, some of the pleasure comes from indirect pressure on nearby structures. Plenty of people only ever enjoy external touch, and that counts too.
Does anal hurt?
It shouldn't. Some pressure or fullness is normal, especially at first, but pain is a signal to slow down or stop. The anus has two rings of muscle. You control the outer one, but the inner one relaxes on its own, and only when you feel calm and ready. That's why rushing hurts and patience doesn't.
For the same reason, skip numbing or "desensitizing" anal lubes. If you can't feel discomfort, you can't tell when to stop.
How to prepare for anal
- Talk first. Agree on what you'll try, a word or signal that means stop, and that it's fine to stop at any point.
- Trim and file nails if fingers are involved.
- Go to the bathroom and shower. For most people, that's all the cleaning needed. The rectum is usually close to empty, and a little mess now and then is normal.
- Douching is optional. If you'd like to, the San Francisco AIDS Foundation recommends lukewarm water rather than hot, a gentle flow, a well-lubricated nozzle, and waiting about an hour before sex. Don't douche every day, and never use soap or other products. A simple bulb such as the Aneros Prelude is easier to control than a shower attachment.
- Set up nearby: lube, a towel, condoms if you're using them, and wipes.
Anal play for beginners: how to start
- Get aroused first. Spend time on other kinds of touch. Being relaxed and turned on makes everything easier.
- Start outside. Use a lubricated finger to circle and press gently around the opening without going in.
- Breathe out slowly as you begin. Some people find gently pushing out, as if going to the bathroom, helps the outer muscle open.
- One finger, then wait. Go in slowly and pause to let your body adjust before moving.
- Add more lube than you think you need, and reapply often. The anus doesn't make its own.
- Move to a small toy only when one finger feels comfortable.
The person receiving should set the pace. Exploring on your own first is a low-pressure way to learn what feels good before involving a partner.
What is anal training?
Anal training means getting comfortable with gradually larger toys over several sessions, rather than going straight to something big. Training kits make it simple: they come with two or three plugs in increasing sizes. Start with the smallest and only move up when it feels easy. Good options include the Blush Luxe silicone training kit and the vibrating Adam & Eve plug trainer kit. For plug sizes and how to wear one, see our guide to what butt plugs are for.
Choosing anal toys
- Always choose a flared base. The rectum can draw objects in, so anything inserted needs a wide base or handle that stops it going too far. Never use household objects.
- Choose easy-clean materials: silicone, glass or stainless steel. Our materials guide explains why.
- Beads such as the ROMP Amp start slim and get gradually wider, so you can stop at whatever size is comfortable. If you can't decide between beads and a plug, our guide to anal beads vs butt plugs compares how each one feels.
- Prostate toys are angled to reach the prostate. Browse our prostate massagers.
See the full range in our anal toys and butt plugs collections.
What lube should you use for anal?
Use a thicker lube made for anal play. Thick water-based lubes such as JO Anal H2O or Wicked Anal Jelle work with every toy and condom. Silicone lube lasts longer and is popular for anal sex, but keep it off silicone toys. Oil-based lube breaks down latex condoms. Our lubricants guide compares the types.
Anal sex positions for the first time
- Lying on your side, with your partner behind you, is relaxed and slow.
- Lying on your stomach with a pillow under your hips keeps you comfortable and still.
- Receiver on top gives the person receiving full control of depth and speed.
Safer sex and hygiene
- Use condoms for anal sex and on shared toys. STIs can pass through anal sex, so test regularly if you have new partners.
- Never go from anal to vaginal without a fresh condom or washing first, as bacteria can cause infections.
- Clean toys after every use with warm water and mild soap or a toy cleaner.
A tiny spot of blood once in a while can happen, but if you notice more than that, or pain that lasts after you stop, see a doctor.
What should you read next?
Read what butt plugs are for next if plugs interest you. If you need to bring it up with a partner, our guide on how to talk to your partner about sex toys has openers that work.
