The Strap-On-Me question we hear most isn't whether the brand is any good. It's "I bought the harness, so which dildo do I need?", usually from someone holding two boxes that don't quite agree with each other. The French brand makes three kinds of product that look alike in photos, and our Strap-On-Me collection carries all three, so ordering the wrong half of a set is easy.
Which of the three families are you looking at?
Strapless strap-ons are one-piece silicone toys: a short bulb for the wearer, a longer shaft for the partner, no straps at all. Harnesses come in two styles, faux leather and lingerie. The dildos are sold on their own and are meant to go into those harnesses or be used by hand.
Then there are the letter sizes. An M strapless toy and an M dildo aren't the same thing in a different shape, and most of the harnesses are one adjustable size anyway. Ignore the letters until you've read the measurements.
Do the strapless ones actually stay in?
Sometimes. That's the straight answer we give customers.
The Semi-Realistic Bendable Strap-On in size M has no buckles. The wearer holds the bulb inside the vagina with their pelvic floor muscles while the neck rests on the pubic mound. A flexible core runs through that neck, so you can bend the shaft up for missionary or down for rear entry and it keeps the angle, which is the feature Strap-On-Me won a Red Dot design award for. The listing gives it about 24.5 cm overall and 3.3 cm across, but a good chunk of that length is the bulb and the bend.
Here's the trade-off. Arousal makes everything slippery, and the bulb is held by muscle rather than a strap. In slow positions, like spooning or with the wearer on top, plenty of couples manage fine. Fast thrusting from behind is where it slips out, and pegging makes it harder still, because the receiving partner's body pushes back more firmly than the wearer can grip. Nobody is "doing it wrong" when that happens. It's how the design behaves.
We'd suggest a strapless toy to wearers who want to feel something themselves and are happy to go slowly. We wouldn't suggest it to a couple trying strap-on play for the very first time. Learn the movement with a harness, then add the strapless toy as a second option.
The Multi Orgasm Bendable Strap-On in Medium adds three motors and a remote that reaches about 10 metres, so the wearer gets vibration too. Strap-On-Me makes the Multi Orgasm line from solid silicone, which it describes as firmer than its plain vibrating models. Firmer helps the bulb keep its shape. If you'd like something softer, the Vibrating Bendable line uses a more supple liquid silicone and starts at size M. More hardware also means more charging: the toy and the remote both need power before anyone gets undressed.
Leatherette or lingerie: which harness suits you?
It comes down to how much structure you want. The leatherette harnesses have proper straps and keep a heavier dildo level. The lingerie ones look and wear like underwear, which is lovely, but fabric gives a little under fast movement.
| Harness | Holds the dildo with | Sizing | The catch |
|---|---|---|---|
| Curious | Double stretch-silicone ring | Two belts: XS–M and L–XXL | More straps to adjust |
| Desirous | Snap-in silicone rings: 4.5, 5.5, 6.5 cm | One size, hips 88–137 cm | Bare back, no padding behind the base |
| Fabulous | Metal rings: 3.5, 4, 5 cm | Two waistbands: XS–M and L–XXL | Thong cut; metal is harder on soft toys |
| Diva | One silicone ring in lace panties | Sold by size, S to XL | No thigh straps |
For a first harness we'd pick the Curious in metallic blue. Its thigh straps are what stop a dildo nodding downward, and the stretch ring grips the shaft without you having to match a ring size to your toy. Strap-On-Me even suggests using the spare belt as a wrist cuff. The downside is fiddliness: leatherette relaxes a little as it warms up, so expect to tighten things again a few minutes in.
The Desirous makes sense if you're buying Strap-On-Me's Multi Orgasm Dildo, since the brand designed the two to go together. It also has a bare back, so the base of the dildo sits right against your skin. Some wearers like feeling every thrust that way. If you'd rather have a layer between you and the toy, skip it.
The Diva lingerie harness is a pair of lace-trimmed panties with suspender straps and a silicone ring hidden at the front. You can wear it through dinner and add the toy later. We'd steer people away from it for heavy, girthy dildos, though. It hugs the hips well, but with no thigh straps a weighty toy will droop.
Which Strap-On-Me dildo goes in which harness?
Strap-On-Me designs its harnesses around its own dildos, so pairing inside the brand is mostly about choosing the ring.
Take the Sliding Skin realistic dildo in medium. It's 3.8 cm across with 13.4 cm insertable, and the testicles give a ring something to sit behind. In the Fabulous, the 4 cm metal ring is the snug choice. In the Desirous, the smallest ring is 4.5 cm, so check for wobble before you start. The Curious stretch ring grips it with no choosing at all.
The name sounds like a gimmick, so here's what it means. There are two layers of liquid silicone with different firmness: a dense core and a very soft outer layer that isn't bonded rigidly, so the surface slides a few millimetres before the core follows. Worn in a harness, the surface moves with your partner's body instead of dragging. It comes in five sizes, S to XXL. Not everyone wants testicles and veins, mind you. If you'd prefer something that only hints at anatomy, the semi-realistic shapes are the better match.
Using a dildo from another brand? The general rules on flared bases and ring sizing are in our strap-on harness fit guide, and every toy in our harness-compatible dildos range has a base that will sit behind a ring.
What would we buy as a first Strap-On-Me set?
For a couple starting out: the Curious harness with a Sliding Skin in S or M. The straps keep things steady and the stretch ring forgives a size guess.
If the wearer wants to feel more than the motion of their hips, add a strapless toy later, once you both know which angles and pace work. Buying the strapless version first to avoid a harness is the purchase we'd talk people out of most often.
Want vibration but still prefer a harness? The Multi Orgasm Dildo in the Desirous is the brand's own answer. It has three separate motors (one in the shaft, a flapping section for the clitoris and a small tongue toward the perineum) run from a remote with about 8 metres of range.
How do you keep Strap-On-Me toys in good shape?
Strap-On-Me says to use water-based lube only, because silicone gels can damage its silicone, and to avoid alcohol and abrasive cleaners. Take the dildo out of the harness and wash it on its own with warm water and mild soap. Leatherette gets a wipe with a damp cloth, never a soak. The rings on the Desirous snap out, which makes them easy to rinse after a messy night. Let everything dry completely before you put it away.
What should you read next?
Our realistic dildo comparison puts the Sliding Skin next to nine other lifelike toys, which helps if you're torn between sizes or feels. And before the first session, the guide to lube for sex toys explains which formulas are fine with silicone and which aren't.
